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Life   
02:47pm 09/12/2006
  There's way too much to post now, but needless to say, my life has been way too much to handle.
I had a relationship for 10 days, a personal record. I can't do anything to help the situation because I was dumped by a girl who asked me out in the first place. So I'm stuck in limbo, hovering between rejection and acceptance. I have nowhere to run to, and nobody to help. The best I can do is hide and wait till all of this blows over and reduces.

All the people cramp your style!
-Russel		  
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08:13am 08/08/2006
  Alright, it's official. I'm crazy.

I was sitting here, just finishing a telephone conversation with my father. I sat down and relaxed, having nothing on my mind. Off in the the distance, I hear what sounds like someone clearing their throat after eating dryer lint. I get up and walk to the back door looking for the source. I step into the doorway and look around, not seeing what could possibly make the noise. I looked over near the brush, where the fence is leading over to the nearby farm and see a small, light brown fox. It must have been a baby, since it was no bigger than a football with legs. I stared at it and heard it yelp as if it had something stuck in its throat. I stood there and watched it search the area and cry. It saw me and just sat there staring at me.

I stood there, wondering why it was behaving strangely. Maybe it lost it's parents, or was hungry, but I didn't have any meat for it. And it would'a ran away anyways. So I stood, as it stared back at me and made no motion to run away. It really was the wierdest 5 minutes I can imagine.		  
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Summer break   
11:24pm 18/05/2006
  I don't have to work till monday, so this week between class ending and my job starting is my break. I've spent way too much time in greene and I really need to unwind.

So far I've yet to sleep in my own bed, in part because I've yet to assemble it at my new apt in the meadows 7-8. It's been a blast though, I'm getting a whole bunch of shit done that I've put off because of lack of time. And so far every night we've cooked or gone out to dinner...we being Me, Joe, Jeff, Kate, and Angela(spelling?). Anyways, I'm having way too much fun and I feel like such a waste cause I'm not getting anything acomplished.

I've put a lot of thought into my current situation. I've even gone as far as trying to get other's opinion on the subject, which is not like me. Here's what's going on inside my head right now. I see everyone, and by everyone I mean everyone who shows affection toward each other, be it kissing, holding hands, texting notes to one another, what have you. And I say to myself...Where is my love? Did I show up late one day and miss her? Have I been making the right decisions? I start thinking that I spent too much time in Greene and missed out.

I don't want to fall back into who I was again, but at the same time I just want somebody to recognize me. Someone to admire me from afar and be awkward toward me, instead of the other way around. I set up little rules for myself so I wouldn't become who I used to be...like "don't fake saddness to gain attention". I used to do it all the time, and I'm afraid that I'm still doing it.

I'd rather just get on with my life, cause there's no sense in worrying about things I cannot change. Most disagree with me, but I'd rather use all my energy to make others happy and sacrifice my own, than be happy at the expense of another. I live my life to make others happy, and people say that this is wrong and that it's not making me happy. I say whatever...it's my life to live and I do what I please.

I still miss those few who I would have given the world to make happy. They chose a different path than mine, and that I cannot control...so there's no sense in trying to persuade her otherwise. I figure this is just another test. If I truly want her to be happy, I must let her go.



Oh drunk Livejournal...what other trouble can you get me into?		  
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End o' the year   
09:37pm 30/04/2006
 
mood: contemplative
Watching: Forrest Gump
Should be doing: Applied Hw, Mechanical drawing hw

So there's a lot to discuss, and I don't know how to say it all, but i'll try. So there was a dance this weekend for the radio over at the Knightspot...and as usual we drank and pregamed most the night.
We then hurried over to Megs for the pre-pre party. It was the usual. Radio kids in one circle, Meg's friends in the other, everyone staying with their respetive clicks.

By the time we arrived at the radio party, most everyone was out of it. I had as much as everyone else, but still wasn't drunk. It felt like high school dances all over again. The girls were supposed to ask us guys as dates, but most people didn't have dates, so I didn't feel as bad. The same thing happened, as usual, I waited for the right time to socialize, but I kept getting that uneasyness that always comes at dances. I tried to ignore it and socialize, but everytime I tried, I started sweating and getting really nervous and scared. It was because of all the people I didn't know there, but that shouldn't have made me have a panic attack.

The worst part was that people were coming over to see if I was ok and the only thing I could think about is that I'm making them feel sad for me. I don't want to be that guy, the one that's always pushing his problems onto others. I eventually escaped out the door and disappeared. I just couldn't handle it there. I jumped the wall behind sturges and just sat down and thought. I thought about what I was doing and why I couldn't handle being normal like everyone else. I thought about how I screwed up w/ Kate Murray at our prom at fairport, and how I was used at my prom at Naples. I remembered the time when Melissa Santariello called me on my phone to reject me and to not call or talk to her anymore. I always have the bad habit of doing this.

I took the long way around so that nobody would see me and booked it back to Joe and Bob's. I grabbed Salton sea, and tried to relax. I feel really bad for making people worry about me, but for some reason I just want other people to recognize me. I try to be social with others, but I always let others speak...even if I have something to say. I'd rather listen to others than try to force others to listen to me.

I want to tell others that I have social anxiety, but I feel that I'd just be searching for attention if I did, and it would make others treat me differently and I don't want that. I want people to want to be around me...and it scares me to death.

I'm really tempted to delete this whole entry, but I know that it's for the best. I used to bottle up all this back before college. Please, nobody try to console me...I really just needed to write this down for me.		  
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Distracted   
04:17am 04/04/2006
 
mood: stressed
Ok, I'm in Greene right now finishing my digital project that I put off till the last minute. I have a good excuse since my cousin came to hang out, so I had to entertain him. I'm almost done w/this project, but it just takes forever to work out all the kinks. I'm starving too, and the bag of chips I paid for got stuck, and now I only have 75 cents and I need a dime, and I dropped one earlier under the machine but couldn't grab it.

I have the worst luck in the world.

Well, after I get all this done, then next comes the Labratory experiment that I have to at least set up and prove that it works. Then Applied hw. Then teaching in the physics learning center. Then more hw. And maybe if I'm lucky, I might get some sleep. But I'll have to study for my ELA test on thursday, along w/another applied hw and Libra assignment. And to top it all off, I have to get started on building a model bride. This is what I get for slacking off for one weekend.		  
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I should start writing again   
12:25am 20/03/2006
 
mood: school
Ok, Miami went really well. We drank all day every day and chilled the fuck out! It's exactly what I needed. I'd wished I was more tan, but whateva. So since I've gotten back from break have I: A)Misplaced my keys B)Misplaced my wallet or C)Misplaced my bookbag.

D)All of the above

Well, I do have my keys and wallet back, and I don't need my bookbag till tomorrow...so I won't let it get to me

Cousin Ryan's gonna come up in 2 weeks. I just hope I won't have to study for tests or anything like that. I've been really good about doing all my assignments and not putting them off or not doing them. I am getting a little stressed from it all though. Living off vending machine food (cause I don't leave greene sometimes) is getting to me though. I guess it comes w/the major. I can't complain though cause other peoples' majors are much more intensive. Well, if I don't update..hopefully it's because I'll be doing hw instead of playing games. I'm such an addict.

Season finale of Boondocks was amazing.		  
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06:27pm 12/03/2006
 
mood: sunburnt
Didn't go outside today to tan, mostly cause I was a tiny bit red and didn't want to make it worse, so I just sat inside and ate all the leftovers from the past 3 days and watched G4 (nerdy gamer tv). I've been looking for a new awesome game that we could all play, but didn't see any. I kinda want to get all the new pc games that everyone keeps passing around. I've actually been itching to play space empires 4, only because I go crazy when I leave a game where I have a whole bunch of stuff to remember to do. Hopefully joe will bring his laptop and we'll chill on the beach and play.

My body doesn't like the sun at all. Maybe it's cause I've had a lack of real UV rays in such a long time. I really want to get really tan cause I can flex now and have a semi-6 pack and want women to stare. I'm tired of never being the one who makes everyone else look better by comparison.

I'm gonna take Pita's advice and just relax. Even right now my leg is still tapping in mid air and it does it involuntarily almost. My gramma said that my uncle did the same thing, but it gets annoying cause I don't notice it, and people must think I'm freakin thumper from Bambi.

I have a feeling the world is gonna change radically again soon, like after the twin towers or after the berlin wall. I think there's gonna be a round of civil wars around the globe, and though it sounds bad, it might actually stop the constant tension if they resolve their problems. I'd be better if it were resolved peacefully, but that boat has sailed.

And even in this country, we're being monitored for our own "safety". Ok, I can see that the government needs intelligence to operate properly. What happens to all the extra information on everyone else though. I guarantee you that they don't throw it away. Homeland security is just gonna become a gustapo. Bush is gonna start making a whole bunch of radical decisions cause he know's he's out soon anyways. And when people go to elect another president, it's just gonna be another choice between the evil guy and the more evil guy.

I don't feel like ranting anymore.		  
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10:04am 11/03/2006
 
mood: baking
My gramma and her friend Shirly went out to their weekly bridge game, so I had a bunch of time to just relax and eat and veg out. I'm so jealous cause she has a bunch of good tv stations that I want. Like this morning I watched beast wars. I haven't seen that show since I was waiting for the bus back in middle school. For it's time the graphics were amazing. And now Batman returns is on with val kilmer as batman and Jim Carrey as the Joker. I'm waiting for my sunblock to soak in before I go out w/my su duko book and mp3 player for the day. I'll either be a giant tomato, or raisin. we'll see.

I miss everyone already. I haven't been accepted into any internships yet, which is gonna blow cause my dad calls me up almost every single day wondering if I've gotten one yet. I think I'm gonna contact Fernando over in Spain and see if there's anything for me to do over there.

Only downside to these couple of days is that I'm sleeping on one of those inflatable matresses that is killing my back, but i can deal.

All right, time to go under the broiler.		  
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My big fat Hick family   
10:34am 10/03/2006
 
mood: sun
Where to start. So I went to go visit my cousins..er, 2nd cousins I guess. My gramma's sisters' daughters'sons. The whole time I was tempted to start playing the banjo, cause they all talk with that southern twang. I think their came from or grew up around Savana. I was tellin them how I was a physics major hoping to master in Engineering and the first thing my gramma's sister's husband said was "you shuuld werk fur Nascar. Thueyy make'um the muuney"

I apologize world.

So we sat there with the gigantic television that took up the whole wall watching fox news on loop. It's so funny when they start quoting fox news and the like, and I think I even heard a Hiliary Clinton joke in there too. Don't get me wrong, I hate her too, but they have no buisness in today's politics. Anyways, enuff uh that.

We're off soon to get me some new board shorts and sandals and haircut and I'll look pretty spiffy by tonight. I can't wait to ogle the beach bunnies.

LOL, sorry, there's that guy for the men's rights on tv right now. I love how they're in such a heated battle over something this stupid. anyways, more on that when the sun goes down.		  
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01:59pm 03/03/2006
 
You scored as Visual/Spatial. You probably feel at home with the visual arts, maps, charts, and diagrams. You tend to think in images and pictures. You learn best by looking at pictures and slides, watching videos or movies, and visualizing. People like you include sculptors, painters, surgeons and engineers.

</td>

Logical/Mathematical

79%

Visual/Spatial

79%

Bodily/Kinesthetic

68%

Intrapersonal

61%

Interpersonal

57%

Verbal/Linguistic

46%

Musical/Rhythmic

29%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com
  
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10:08pm 13/02/2006
  I just watched the national geographic documentary on the science of love and it described 3 distinct stages. Lust, love, and relationship. Lust is pretty much just wanting to have sex, Love is the euporia that people get when dating, and relationship is the long lasting desire to stay together.

I think my brain skipped over step one for some reason and went directly to stage 2. Only problem being that you rarely get to stage 2 w/o going through stage 1. This explains alot.

that is all		  
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09:18pm 12/02/2006
  So take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
But take a look at me now
There's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've gotta face		  
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12:04pm 21/01/2006
 
mood: amused
I was just recently e-mailed with the following letters.

---
Dear 31 Wads,
You girls are amazing and i couldn't ask for n e better friends to
live with. I had like the bestest time ever and I know that it is just
the beginning to a great semester. I cannot believe that i did half of
what i did last night.... so basically, those pictures are like
blackmail... so ps. i would like them when they are developed.. i love
u all and i m off to work.....if ur at the mall at all today..come
visit me at the kids store and ask for me cuz i will prolly be in the
stockroom...

my uncle sent me this forwarded message and i thought that you girls would
appreciate it too...so check out the attachments at the bottom. love you
all, LIZZY
---

Hooray for girls who can't type in 3 letters and a number correctly. The attachments are really funny though, and I will be posting them
( Read more... )		  
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oh, back to school....   
01:38pm 18/01/2006
 
mood: cheerful
It feels good to actually get my brain working again. Relaxing was great and all, but I get bored really fast. I left Maine on sunday, of course there had to be 1/4" of ice frozen over my car and huge wind gusts. THAT was a fun 8+ hrs of my life.

Our router hadn't been working too, and I had no idea how to fix it. I tinkers with all the settings for days...then I started ripping out wires in frustration. Still no dice. I finally said screw it and unplugged it and put the fan next to it for good measure. Oh look, I have internet again. Wierd. The only problem is that now my room sounds like a wind tunnel. Oh well, as long as the fan frequencies don't create a beat, I'll be fine. Oh man, I can't wait to get to play my steam account that came w/it. I did pretty good in CS:source the other day, considering I've had no experience other than stealing joe's. And Bob has an account now too, so we're all gonna be Hermits for awhile.(not that we already were or anything)

We've already got a whole bunch of shit planned out for this semester. Between radio parties, movie nights, and whatever ruckus we create, we won't be able to rest. Classes this year look a whole lot better than before. Elementary Linear Algebra w/Tony Macula, he sounds like he's in the italian mafia and that course will be butter. Electronic Circuit Analysis is gonna be easy also, and it ties together with my Digital Electronics course. My only worry is Intermediate Lab. It's only a wed. class, but all we do is work on experiments outside of class, which supposedly takes forever to do. So I have a feeling that I'll be spending a shitload of time in Greene.

Ok, time to finish all the hw that I can so far.		  
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Maine: day 1   
02:39pm 13/01/2006
 
mood: happy
So I'm half way through my trip to go and waste a bunch of time and spend my hard earned money on food and buisness. The first stop was at Dave's, good times in the city w/Dave n Joe, and movies w/Dave n Monica. Right now I'm chillaxin until Caramie gets back from work, then off somewhere. Me and Ryan finished some buisness last night. I haven't worked in what seems like forever. It was all good. Now I'm fixing up his computer, since I presume he doesn't know too much about how to use it. He should be savvy in no time.

I'm gonna buy lobster this afternoon and it's hardshell season (better than softshell aparrently). Awesome, Caramies back. adios		  
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01:38pm 07/01/2006
  I've been trying to transfer all my folders over to this new computer, which is quickly becoming a pain in the ass. I'm sure there's some super easy way to do it, but I'm tired and have a headache. I guess I'll just wait till I can get this new one on the internet, and just send them over that way.

Andrew came by w/a shitload of indian spices and we make chicken tikki masau. It was awesome. Kate showed up just as Andrew left to get some shit from his house, then we ate and drank like bandits and watched Sin City. Good times, except now I have to clean up the kitchen. I'm getting really lazy. Oh well.

Last day of work on sunday, then I'll be heading down to LI to visit Genesians for a couple days, then off to Maine to chillax w/my cousin and his gf Caramie. Then back to the ol' grind of school work and such		  
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11:40am 04/01/2006
  I dreamed that I was driving near naples, except there was this really long bridge that we had to go over and there were two lanes to choose, one led west and one led east. I knew that I had to go east, but there was a different town that you had to go through to get to where I was going. The thing was there were construction signs and cones leading everyone to stop in this town. From here we were led into a town hall like building except it was very old, made out of wood and very dark inside. After some guy made a speech, he pulled a gun out and made everyone give him their money. The weird thing was that I repeated this whole dream over, so I knew what was going to happen and when. So I waited until he was done with his speech again and stole his gun from him. Everyone else in the room wanted me to shoot him, but I refused.

After I left, I saw this little boy, except that he was Duncan at a very young age, old enough to talk, but had no sense of right and wrong yet. His father was the man robbing everyone and he was sad that his father wasn't good to him. The weirdest thing was that I was consoling the child and giving him advice. His father came back, so we had to run away. I couldn't keep him with me, so I eventually gave him to the people in the town hall.

Bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

East
To dream that you are headed east, represents inner wisdom and spiritual enlightenment. You need to devote or dedicate yourself to your goals, family, career, etc. The direction east also symbolizes the sun. Since east is related to the direction right, it can suggest that you are headed in the right direction.

Gun
To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.

Robbery
To dream that you have been robbed, denotes that you are experiencing an identity crisis or you are suffering some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, you may feel that someone has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did.

Children
To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed.		  
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Happy hangover day   
11:17am 01/01/2006
 
mood: hangover
Holy crap, that was the most eventful day ever. On my way to work, the radio played some apop and it reminded me of Pita. Work was a bitch though. We served over 50 people, for a place that normally serves at max about 30-35. On top of that, we were doing a whole bunch of new stuff, so nobody knew what the hell they were doing. On top of that, I had to do most of the new stuff, get fondu, get drinks for everyone, get salad prep, serve soups, serve desserts, bus tables, clear plates...you get the idea. On top of that, our dishwasher had to leave for some emergency half way through. On top of that, Al who has been working here since they opened put in his 2 week notice. This only added to Trish's already exploding brain. She was about to lose it, I swear. She thought that Al was leaving to go work for Larry (buisness partner that left cause he was getting stiffed with pay).

Then our last table, the only one that stayed past midnight, turned out to be complete bitches. Well, all the husbands and half the wives were ok, but these two women were total bitches. They frowned at everything we gave them. "Excuse me, this says fondu for two and theres ten people, where's the other fondu's?" "Well ma'am, 3 will be plenty for all of you, I even gave you extra bread and broccoli. I promise you that you won't run out." Oh look, they didn't run out. The worst was that when they got their prime rib ordered medium rare, they saw that it wasn't red on the outside and were furious. I go "Well, I guarantee you it's medium rare, you have to cut into it to see." They made our chef cry, and I felt so bad for her cause he did an amazing job with 51 out of the 53 people absolutely loving everything. Now Cassidy was originally serving the table, but she was so infuriated that I had to help her with everything. She was about to rip those womens' heads off. It worked out cause she split the tip with me for helping, so I got 70 bucks on one table, freakin awesome.

I think me and the lady who was helping out downstairs were the only one's who didn't lose it last night. She was really nice too, she told me about how she's gonna go back to college, being a single mother of two. How she lives off the land with her sons and how one of her son's a prodigy (he's 8 and is 2 grade levels ahead, knows spanish, is learning french and italian, and is smarter than everyone in his class.) We had fun, and stole all the champane that people wern't drinking. I had sooooo much good champane. By the time we had to clean everything up, I was slurring and stubling up the stairs. Awesome first half of my night.

Neil called me up from Megs, so I figured I might as well go and visit, even if the party was over. Luckily I had stopped myself from drinking any more champane, so I drove all the way to geneseo at 1 in the morning. I called into WBER to make them play MC 900 Ft. Jesus "The City Sleeps". So awesome.

Let me just describe Megs place when I got there. I had to step OVER 2 people before I even got to her door. There was at least 2 girls crying, that I could hear. A toilet was completely destroyed. I found Neil surprizingly sober when I arrived, so I had a keystone red(lot better than the regular, if their cheaper, we're getting more) with a swirly straw and we talked about our breaks while we helped clean up. As soon as we clean up everything, one of Megs retard friends comes in and pours out his beer on the table, slurs some random Ali G quote, knocks over the table, and spits on the floor. Neil and I just look at each other in amazement. Then some girl came in(supposedly looking for Jeff to have sex with, cause she's not gonna do it with someone she doesn't know) and this guy starts off with the most offensive things I've ever heard and then hitting (slapping to him) her ass. She was irrate. He comes over to us and goes "...*stumble*...Girls......are property, ya know man? Bu-ya-shaka."

What a waste of life...and air.

It wasn't all bad though, I helped the crying girl out in the hall, she had hurt her knee and was having a panic attack cause she had to work in the morning. It took us 2 hours to finally get her to move to the stairs and calm her down. I had met her before when me, Joe and Bob were outside Megs having a smoke when she came down in her drunken stupor and apparently we "protected" her from some passing drunk guy. Anyways, it turns out that the two hours of "it hurts soooo bad *sob sob*" was just a pinched nerve and once she relaxed, it went completely away and she stood up. Oh crazy people.

Ryan and Caramie called me too, I was so happy. She sounded really drunk, but she was funny. I told Ryan that I might come up the 7th-14th cause I got off of work. I soooo want to go and hang out w/them. We might even meet up in Boston and party there since it's less driving for both of us. Either way, it's gonna be awesome.

I got super hugs from Meg for helping w/her friend, which I made sure that her boyfriend was watching. That made me happy. I got a hangover hug from tina too before she went back to bed. I miss everyone.		  
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12:01am 31/12/2005
 
mood: tired
Dave's gonna be jealous. Trish usually hires local musicians, so tonight there was live jazz playing as I worked. It was awesome. I almost got in trouble tonight though, for stealing too much of the seafood bisque. I had scrounged up the last bit that was left and put it in a bowl for me later, and I told the waitresses we were out, but the musician guy wanted a cup to go and I was like (oh shit I ate the last of the ready made), but it was ok cause there was a backup upstairs. And she almost caught me sneaking wine up to the dishwasher Emmy (she's like 40s w/kids, real nice). I made decent on tips...although I don't make nearly half of what the waiter/waitresses do. I guess it's the price I pay for not wanting to deal with people.

So instead of working my scheduled 5-10 tomorrow, Trish has got me comin in an hour early to prep, then staying until the last people leave(probably 2ish in the morn)...great, so much for.....oh right, no plans anyways.

But one good thing was I got the week before school starts off, so I'll go visit cousin Ryan and Caramie, then down to LI I guess, I haven't really gotten the details down yet.

If anyone's around, call me to go skiing. I don't wanna be the hermit anymore.		  
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12:07pm 30/12/2005
 
mood: worked
I've been at bristol for the past couple days, mostly cause I don't feel like driving 30 min each way every day. I feel bad cause my fish are used to eating every day, oh well.

Working isn't bad at all, I get extra gas money every day from the tips. And the work really isn't that hard anymore since I know where everything is there and how to use it. I still avoid the phone though, cause I usually screw up taking reservations. And I don't even deal with organizing that anyways, so win-win. The waitresses are Cassidy and Chelsea right now. I haven't tried to hit on either one of em, just been the exceptionally nice Mike I usually am. I figure, 1) I don't have enough time to start anything cause we're all going back to our respective colleges once the breaks over and 2) They probably just want a sandwich.

The worst part of working is that we don't get free meals anymore, but thats ok cause I steal whatever I want when the boss leaves. I've had so much delicious seafood bisque. Thats another thing, I think I'm getting used to seafood. I can eat shrimp now which I couldn't used to eat but one or two. Real fishy things still don't taste good.

I miss all my friends. I don't know what I'm gonna do after next year. Everyone's gonna be leaving and I won't get to see hardly any of them again. I've decided I'm gonna enjoy the time I still have here. "Live life to the fullest, and have no regrets."-me.

had an idea, Half Baked smoking game. comment		  
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